i've said before that i've learnt alot from one relationship, and i'm still learning. whilst "councilling" someone just now, it made me reflect even more about some aspects i never really went over. It made me understand alot more, which is good since i'm trying to find closure for myself.
Watched a show called Dr 90210 earlier..about plastic surgeons in Hollywood. They showed the actual surgery...and seeing that made me worry. Not only because seeing a fully opened nose was disconcerting, but also the fact that I found such images disturbing. I've wanted to be a doctor for a long time...i still do. But the thought of me possibly making medical school and having problems with surgery just makes me worry abit. I know i'll probably get used to it over time, if i get the chance the desire to want to help would probably make me get over whatever gory stuff that goes on in people's body. Then comes the whole business of getting into med school. I'm honestly scared shitless abt how my A's will turn out. I know i will definately PASS it, but its not about passing. My mom told me she thinks i'll do well...for once, i really really really hope that what she thinks is right, cuz she has the uncanny ability to be right more often than not.
"The thing about medicine is, no matter how perfectly you do something, sometimes things just don't turn out right." Medicine incorporates many rollercoaster rides, be they emotional, physical or mental...but i hope and wish i get the chance to experience them...
I'm giving my life a kick in the butt...i've always been moving but the last month or so i've just been wandering, drifting around. The last few days were spent just slipping further down the spiral...i hope today would be an exception. No more attempting to get myself pissed drunk...just gotta deal with my inner demons once and for all.
3 more days before NS, i'm kinda looking forward to it even. Maybe its a chance to start on a clean slate...that is something i would welcome i guess. Honestly, i feel alone...but thats been the story of my life ever since i was young eh? I don't care anymore lol...
at some point in my life i will take psych. how people think...i'd like to understand more. life as it is...is teaching me alot. oh well. one day i will find closure for myself, and then maybe i can stop being the worthless shit i am now. caught between who i am, and who i wanna be...thats what i am now. God has a plan for everyone....whats mine?
why can i solve people's problems, but not my own?
