figured i'll type it here, instead of my own blog. its an excuse for you to reply, instead of you not responding at all. heh. ah well. you dont have to.
anyways.. sorry dearie, for the emotional outburst..
i guess deep down i already knew the answer. i was just hoping you could prove me wrong, but you proved me right.. i already know, like i said, but it just sucks hearing it out loud.
you didnt make me cry.. i guess it was mostly me, and hearing what i already know from you.. it's like you reading from my mind out loud, so its basically me making myself cry. right? bah. girls = emotional shits. but yeh, since i know it's true, i might as well say it out, accept it, and try not to let it hurt me. any more than it alr does.
yeh, maybe i do love you more than you love me. maybe more than you could EVER love me. but someone once told me that these things will never be equal, it's really up to you to judge if you wanted to. i dont want to, cos like you already know, it hurts me. but oh well. confronting it is better than hiding and hoping for a better answer to feel better.
after knowing this, even if i wanted to put in less and equalise it, i know i cant. i dont do things by commanding myself to and everything, i just do what i feel i can and i should and i must. because of everything i feel for you. im not trying to hint at you. theres nth you can do abt it when it comes to feelings.
just.. even if i admitted and you confirmed it and everything, its all in the open so i dun have to nurse a bleeding open wound in secret, just.. dont remind me and tell me to my face that simple fact okay? haha. not trying to escape, but hearing it from you will simply break my heart. as if, you know it, and you dont give a shit abt how i feel about it. heh.
goodness knows whether such things can be equalised. im determined not to try and analyze it again. too damn painful. but i guess when it gets better, it'll show, and i will have less to think abt to reach to certain conclusions. NOT gonna think too much anymore. i hope. erm. i'll try..??
just please.. don't break my heart...?? don't walk away without giving me a warning.. i've been broken before, but i know, with you, i can shatter.. at least, give me a warning so i'll crack and break gently..
i sound weird. break gently. RIIIIGGGHHHTT..
-hug- i love you.
