i discovered yet another job prospect for myself today. the utopian situation would be me somehow getting good grades and getting into med..if that happens i'll make sure im not one of those asshole doctors that are too common nowadays. however, as we all know, the world isn't perfect. so in the event i really cmi, i'll try being a commercial pilot. if that doesnt work out, thats where today's inspiration comes. had breakfast at kelly's, where she whipped up a watered down english breakfast for the bunch of us. watered down not because of the taste, but because it wasn't the full works, which would have probably killed us if she made it. (arterial blockage due to the tons of fat) so, if we both cant do crap, we'll set up a designer cafe/eatery and charge exorbitant prices for really simple food!

as kelly teh chef said today. i, too, do not understand why people do not understand the concept of cooking...and perceive it to be such a difficult task. to other guys who can cook and bake too, kudos to you. to girls who have absolutely no idea how a stove functions, gg.

justin baa-ed @ 8:40 pm

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i think im going mad haha. but its ok. bloody saf. whack me all you want but fckin let me out on wkends so i can do what i want to do.

-in search of fulfilment.

justin baa-ed @ 12:19 am

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God has a plan for me, as he has for everyone else. Everything i go through has a reason for it. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger. This augmentation of my mind will only help me, and even as the path before me is still somewhat shrouded, i see the light at the end. As much as the shroud tries to engulf it, the rays shine brightly. I must reach the end.

sounds like im mad? maybe. i've learnt two things.
1. you can't depend only on yourself.
2. you can only depend on yourself.

I'm a walking contradiction.

Ever got the feeling you had to do something but you didn't know what?

Ultimately, people don't really care. Unfortunately (for myself maybe) i don't give a damn.

justin baa-ed @ 12:39 am

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hahahaha i just remembered something.

terence : go club must drink! just drink! i pay! i wanna see you drunk!

me : ogay.

terence : come play drinking game!

a few jugs later...

terence : ok stop drinking. you are sick and i am broke.

hahahahahahahhahahahahahaha.
unfortunately, i'm not sure if i will start spouting rubbish if i'm drunk so if i don't, sorry to disappoint lawl.

justin baa-ed @ 7:56 pm

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im finally out...feels good. steamboat was good too =D full as hell now, but i dont give a damn. its time to whack the bak kwa, whack the goodies and just eat everything i see. its nice to eat twice your usual amount and lose weight so i guess i'll just keep it as that. 2 days of slacking before i whack the running, the various bars of torture and whatnot. muscles need a serious break for now.

haha i think i will take a psych degree at some point in my life. just to have as one of those lame "trophy" degrees. i realise i have a certain obsession..well not obsession..but i just like to know what and how people think heh. talking to crysdal abt her relationship and stuff has taught me many many things, and the things you can infer are well...uncanny? surprising maybe. seeing and learning how two diff kinds of people can see the same thing in such a different way is well...familiar to some extent, but exciting to learn about too. in the past i just got affected but at least now i learn why viewpoints differ =D yea, i might be psycho. its ok, ive never been quite the same as everyone else anyway. as much as i think i've found a clone of myself, i think i know where we differ too haha. its good to have someone that thinks along the same line though. wish i could help him more though.

well i think i've found one thing to occupy myself with in the last few days. i think its time i broke a few barriers...and hopefully i can break the feeling of absolute emptiness as well. i give up to easily, but its time that changes. good thing in the army is that im in my own world half the time, so theres more than enough time to go within and rid myself of all these lil roadblocks that are in my way.

anyway, as i've told some people, i'm over things already..for good. so yea you don't have to worry anymore. any grief, agony or sadness i feel is not because of you, or anyone else for that matter. im not bothering with the whole slowly piece my heart together junk too...mashing everything together with a good helping of emo superglue works alot faster. i give up for good, because everything i do or not do causes guilt. maybe this statement will too, but you'll get over it soon enough. i only ask for 1 favour, that is to just tell me when you get together with him, or if you already have heh.

maybe i'm out of touch, but all i do is stay in tekong shouting myself hoarse and running myself to the ground anyway. its fun, at least i got people who do the same things with me. nice mindless activity, more time for personal thoughts. some call it genius, some call it madness. as i've learnt, its all a matter of perspective. but still, i see things the way i wanna see them, because to me, thats what makes me, me.

i shall go set some targets for mindless army activities. assembling under 30s...heh that'd be fun. i shall stop rambling about obscure things. time to have fun. screw the army for these few days. its a stupid place anyway.

justin baa-ed @ 7:23 pm

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my day of freedom is gone. time to go back and die lawl.

justin baa-ed @ 7:27 pm

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Less than 12 hours i'll go from civillian to NSF. I'm kinda looking forward to it anyway. Its a new lease of life i need, and it'll let people like Ben and Crystal take a break from trying to keep me sane. Thanks you two, i really appreciate both of you coming out and helping me keep my head screwed on, and dragging me out all over the place as well. I'm extremely grateful to people like kitfei, jason and pam too...for listening and talking to me...and honestly making me feel loads better. Even my best friend was too busy socializing and fitting in, don't blame him anyway, talking to me would probably have been a boring affair as usual.

Well i'm mostly all packed and ready, chao extra recruit waiting to enter with extra everything lol. But i think extra + comfortable > sitting around in a used-for-3-days PT kit. One reason why i'm not exactly psyched for NS...i REALLY CANNOT WAIT for all the propaganda they are gonna throw at us. Oh well. I guess everyone is right in a sense that the breakup was a blessing in disguise. I also guess its better she left before...rather than during NS. Also good to see you've mostly moved on.

Thanks to whoever actually wants to bother to go send me off tomorrow, but its not really needed k? I don't want anyone to wake up early to waste time travelling all the way there just to see me for 5-10mins...its retarded. The thought counts...so thanks. A couple of months ago I was happy to think i'd see people i knew there before i left, but now i just don't care. Parents will be with me anyway, they wanna see me sign up for my 3 month slimming course heh.

This time its done
It'll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it's sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn't matter somehow
But you were livin' proof of what love is about...

Parting shot : I beat crystal in dota again today. my 2nd time, her 1074021974th time. sighhh i think you are better as the peon la huh? not me =P

justin baa-ed @ 10:17 pm

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testimonial match today. was really great to play with the bunch of guys again...it was obvious how we all just loved to play...no killer training, no bullshit...just play. sure we sucked badly...but not that badly. 10-10 was the score, we were the inferior side but we had fun in the end. i'm just aching badly now due to 4+ months of inactivity...or more lol.

class had a gathering to send off us soon-to-be baldies lol. dinner started at 9 and ended super late...im dying from the match lolol so freaking unfit.

hmm i cant run long d...how to get into occifer kadat skool...hmms oh well.everyone says its no probs for me lawl. jason the old man said go in and get 8-6 posting after graduation lolol. he says NCC HQ is fun too...you get to go around to stupid schools and make them hold parades for you lawl.

damn wheres my 10mirrion dorrar toto ticket...now that i dont have a wedding or anything to spend it on i wanna freaking get a flying license privately. oh well.
lol something that got me thinking. a few days back the SIA pilots assoc. president made a comment of how SIA pilots are being poached, and even commenting on how these pilots who make the switch to other airlines have no sense of loyalty or smth..i mean as a pilot you only have THAT many years of flighttime...you gotta make all yr money in those years so DUH they will go to someplace that pays wayy better no? oh well.

army soon. new lease of life. i need it anyway. my life isnt as comfy or settled as i thought it to be..deluded maybe. time to do something then. if anyone is irritated by these short sentences, too bad.

quoted from xiaxue's FAQ section
"I wank to your pictures Xiaxue!"

"I hope you get cancer."

makes me geegle.

justin baa-ed @ 1:14 am

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woah weird dreams. glad im finally awake. hate dreams that make you feel tired...and i slept 10 hours even.

justin baa-ed @ 11:17 am

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2 more days. who gives a fuck anyway. i don't.
job needs to be done. job will be done. finish. fade to black kthxbai.

justin baa-ed @ 12:03 am

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please stop drinking. i know you have been. please don't. you never used to. this much anyway. and if im to blame, so be it. and maybe its my just reward for not being tolerant or understanding enough. tt i tried but did all the wrong things. but the drinking harms you more, so dont do it. don't, please.

i puked on new yrs day. EVERYBODY knows. from everyone in the canteen to my cousins know. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


and about being a doctor, you do have what it takes. but think it thru carefully if this is what you want to do. i know the reasons why, but consider if it is for you. you have the brains and the rationality. more than i could ever dream having. but make sure you think it thru carefully. so you'll never look back with regrets.

purplesnails baa-ed @ 11:25 pm

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i've said before that i've learnt alot from one relationship, and i'm still learning. whilst "councilling" someone just now, it made me reflect even more about some aspects i never really went over. It made me understand alot more, which is good since i'm trying to find closure for myself.

Watched a show called Dr 90210 earlier..about plastic surgeons in Hollywood. They showed the actual surgery...and seeing that made me worry. Not only because seeing a fully opened nose was disconcerting, but also the fact that I found such images disturbing. I've wanted to be a doctor for a long time...i still do. But the thought of me possibly making medical school and having problems with surgery just makes me worry abit. I know i'll probably get used to it over time, if i get the chance the desire to want to help would probably make me get over whatever gory stuff that goes on in people's body. Then comes the whole business of getting into med school. I'm honestly scared shitless abt how my A's will turn out. I know i will definately PASS it, but its not about passing. My mom told me she thinks i'll do well...for once, i really really really hope that what she thinks is right, cuz she has the uncanny ability to be right more often than not. "The thing about medicine is, no matter how perfectly you do something, sometimes things just don't turn out right." Medicine incorporates many rollercoaster rides, be they emotional, physical or mental...but i hope and wish i get the chance to experience them...

I'm giving my life a kick in the butt...i've always been moving but the last month or so i've just been wandering, drifting around. The last few days were spent just slipping further down the spiral...i hope today would be an exception. No more attempting to get myself pissed drunk...just gotta deal with my inner demons once and for all.

3 more days before NS, i'm kinda looking forward to it even. Maybe its a chance to start on a clean slate...that is something i would welcome i guess. Honestly, i feel alone...but thats been the story of my life ever since i was young eh? I don't care anymore lol...

at some point in my life i will take psych. how people think...i'd like to understand more. life as it is...is teaching me alot. oh well. one day i will find closure for myself, and then maybe i can stop being the worthless shit i am now. caught between who i am, and who i wanna be...thats what i am now. God has a plan for everyone....whats mine?

why can i solve people's problems, but not my own?

justin baa-ed @ 12:56 am

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